I haven't written life events for quite a while. Life is pretty stagnant lately. But that's ok I suppose. No news is good news,right? Or so we are kept told.
I write this after being haunted by one of my oldest and longest standing enemies. Worry. There are times where I can be in a room or an arena or what have you and I can feel like the only person there worrying about this and that,trivial things that get to me but I somehow let them start to spiral off in my head and I get racked with worry and the next morning I try not to bring it into my daily life but its difficult. Fucking hell it's tough.
Worry visited me tonight in seeing pictures of my friends I grew up with planning weddings, families, whatnot together. I sat back and thought should that be me and if not,why not? Relationships and me aren't exactly best buddies but the few ones that clicked, they certainly did. For some reason or another, any one I was in just didn't work out. I'd keep telling myself that breakups and all that craic happen every single day. But seeing visuals of others I grew up around being happy struck a chord and made me take a step back. Course I'm happy for them. I'd never deny someone happiness. Just wonder at 36...should my path be laid out in front of me? It's a tricky one.
This time of year brings up the worry in another guise. Christmas. I don't dislike it as much as I used to but this November commercialism shite annoys me more than anything else. If I wasn't working my worry would be maximized tenfold. It puts pressure on so many people unnecessarily. I'm not a humbug by any means - just can't the corporate empires of the world wait another few weeks before unleashing their festive wares on the world? Wishful thinking, right.
Nine times out of ten I'm as pretty much happy go lucky as you can get. Those of you that have met me can attest to that I'm sure. The one time out of ten is where I'm face to face with my old nemesis - the W word. I'm sure I'll banish him some day - but that leads to another W word.
Fifteen years is a long time.
A lot can happen in fifteen years.
I wrote probably my most heartfelt one of these musings two years ago,on the thirteenth anniversary of my brothers passing. It's this time of the year, the third week of November that I dread. The run-up tot today,this Saturday I wish I never had to prepare for. Even the week leading up to it leaves a dark cloud. My now annual trip to mass coincides with it.
I pray the odd time but not for me. For people that are going through tough times or family members that aren't well. It's not even a prayer to a higher power as such but just sending good wishes to them,hoping things turn out alright. I stopped going to church when I saw this massive earthquake in Japan on the news. Hundreds of people died. What did they do to deserve that? Dad asked me why wasn't I going to mass and I just pointed at the tv. He couldn't really argue with that.
It's not easy going into that church on this, the third weekend in November. What am I saying,it's not easy for any of us. Relatives come back afterward for a bit,the kids keep me occupied but I prefer to retreat to my room and find some bit of solitude. It's not easy when the years fly. I was often told to always look forward and never look back in other scenarios but for this I have to look back. A few weeks ago was World Suicide Prevention Day and after work that day I went to the shop and bought a candle and a lighter (I hadn't bought a lighter since I used to buy single cigarettes in NewcastleWest when I was 15) and went to my room, lit that candle in the dark, put it on the window sill and looked at it for about ten minutes in silence. Until I bawled my eyes out. Someone tweeted it was like a light trying to bring them home and they were right. I cried a bit more and blew it out.
I miss him. Last year coming home for the mass I asked Dad to stop at the graveyard for a few minutes just to be there. We got out and went over. All I could think about standing there is why and why isn't he still with us now. It's painful and especially painful since then hearing stories about tragedies involving friends,people you grew up with, people you worked with, went to school with, what have you. I've had to make the call to people that was made to me. I've had to make that call on two seperate occasions and it's the worst call you ever have to make in your life.
I had most of this written last week when I had some quiet time and felt it was right to put thoughts to paper,or to screen in this case. Digital age,eh? I was told once upon a time to put thoughts down like this to get them out of you if they are pent up,I'm sure my GP would approve that I'm trying to dissipate my hypertension in any way shape or form possible. That's another story for another day.
I haven't written in a while, I suppose real-life has gotten in the way. But I shall end this story of remembrance with my brothers favourite song (that he would always request for on the radio) but with a country twist on it.
It might be 15 years but we are bringing it home for one evening.
Thanks for reading and always know there is someone always watching over you.
This Sunday sees the biggest event in the sports entertainment calendar - WrestleMania 30. An event that is the epitome of American pomp and circumstance,razzmatazz or whatever buzz word you want to put in there. It's something that I admittedly would have a passing interest in,I say passing because as I grew up from adolescence,I discovered alcohol and women which in turn,waned my interest from this soap opera for men just a tad. But,I digress.
Like any youngster,when you saw pro wrestling on the tv,you were taken aback by these larger than life characters. I remember the first video tape (remember those) I ever saw of this and the main event was the Ultimate Warrior against the Macho Man Randy Savage. I was transfixed on the Warrior - and when some fella with wacky face paint runs to the ring and shakes the ropes (which usually was the highlight of one of his matches,he wasn't one of the purists let's say) you tend to pay attention. I mean,that's not something you see every day. WrestleMania 6 came along and it was "The Ultimate Challenge" which pitted the Warrior against Hulk Hogan. All the lads in primary were Hulkamaniacs - and to be honest I was sick of seeing Hogan win all the time - a trend that would continue later in his WCW tenure,but that's another story for another day. The Warrior won,which I was thrilled to bits with,and naturally with this being the days of pre-internet spoilers, I found out he won two months after the feckin match took place. One of the other highlights of Warriors career were his "promo" or interview skills....
Fast forward to 1994 - where my brother,Lord have mercy on him,tells me to go out to his car to get an envelope out of the glove box. He tells me to open it. WWF tickets at the Point. I couldn't believe it. I was actually going to see a live show. We went and it was everything I expected. No Warrior,he had long gone. But the Macho Man was,but I was looking out for someone else - as I started to watch more,I started to appreciate the in-ring athleticism these lads had,and one stood out more than any other..Bret the Hitman Hart. Some of his matches were like watching Rembrant at work. He was that good. He wasn't there but I got a pair of his sunglasses that he would give to kids at ringside before his matches in the Point. And I still have them. More on Bret later. My brother was a big Shawn Michaels fan,more than likely for his theme music. Many a night my head would be driven demented by "I'm just a Sexy Boy" sang repeatedly. I still laugh when I hear it. One of my happiest memories of us was being at that wrestling show.
Now,onto 1997. Bret Hart had agreed to sign to a rival company,WCW. They were destroying WWF in the tv ratings every week and with the WWF losing money,they had no choice but to let one of their highest earners go. By this time I was in college and suprisingly in the company of a lot of like-minded individuals. The stage was set. Survivor Series in Montreal. Bret Hart (who was WWF Champion at the time) vs Shawn Michaels. No one could have predicted what happened next. Well,okay maybe a few in the backstage area.
Basically,there was a real-life double cross and Bret Hart left the company under a very dark cloud. I was bulling after it. Shortly after that,things took major turns for him. His brother died in a freak in-ring accident. His own career was ended by a kick to the head in the ring and later suffered a stroke. I was heartbroken to see one of my own personal heroes,someone that I had watched over the years have setback after setback. But he came back from all of that,and even a few years ago was doing a tour of Ireland,and one of those stops was at UL. This I could not miss. I met Bret Hart,got a 1992 WWF magazine signed and thanked him for all the great matches and memories he gave us in the ring. It's funny because a few years after that I was at a live show in the O2 it's called these days and I was sitting in the front row (contacts) and he came over and saw me and shook hands with me again. I felt like one of those kids he'd give his pink sunglasses to at that stage. Delighted.
Now,onto 2006. Yes there is a big gap between then and 1997/98 I know. They hadn't toured Ireland from 1994 to 2004 I believe. And the product in 2002/3 wasn't exactly thriving,probably because they were the only game in town and had done a big turnaround and driven their main competitor out of business. I sat watching previous Wrestlemanias and always thought to myself - "What would it be like. To go to a WrestleMania." Then I saw where WrestleMania 22 was going to be held. Chicago. A place where I have a few relatives. Do you see where this is going? I certainly did! Sure enough,they were aware that it was happening and said it'd be nice to catch up. So there I was,flying to The Windy City for a few days. I even got to see where the Blues Brothers was filmed and got to a Bulls game in the United Center which was great. But being at a WrestleMania was incredible. American (and especially Chicago crowds) are extra amped up. If they don't like certain performers,they will let them know. Doesn't matter if they are "good" or "bad" guys by default,the Chi town crowd doesn't discriminate!
Now,onto today. Todays performers are mostly different. There a few of the old guard still knocking around,the most well-known would be The Undertaker,who has never lost at Wrestlemania and is putting his undefeated streak on the line this Sunday against Brock Lesnar. But the matches I will be looking out for involve this man:
If you watch those three videos one after the other you will get the jist of who Daniel Bryan is. He's not the usual Herculean size fella,he's an underdog, and the crowd absolutely love him,. He has two simple catchphrases "Yes" and "No" and the crowd lap them up. If he doesnt win this Sunday, then I will be pretty much done with WWE and will probably start watching Eastenders. Probably!
Roll on Sunday where I will be avoiding spoilers as much as humanely possible!
I hope some of you enjoy this and maybe it served as a mini trip down memory lane. I enjoyed writing it.
I've had a fondness for country music from a very early age. How early? Since I was in the womb. Mam would often go up and sing these random country songs on a Saturday/Sunday evening at the local tavern (see how country we are sounding here?) and these were my first nights out - when you are in a full hall with a bag of taytos and lemonade at age 7 you take what nights out you can get. I don't know why,but I enjoyed these clichéd songs about partners leaving and your boss firing you. Melancholy stuff but these fellas (and women) could really sell the story. I did try to shake off the country bug but it wasn't happening. Where I come from,it's ingrained,in my case,embedded. I didn't have a hope.
Then later on,my brother,Lord have mercy on him came back to the house in the mid-90's with these cd's (yes,pre-digital age) of this Oklahoma lad with a Stetson. Garth Brooks. I was like "What are these?" He was like "Listen!" and put on the In Pieces album. The Red Strokes came on and you couldn't help tap your foot along to it. He had the No Fences album too which had the more popular ones like Friends In Low Places,Unanswered Prayers and the simply brilliant The Thunder Rolls. And these are great songs that stand up well,even now. I think those CDs are still at home somewhere. I must go and look for them. On my other brothers wedding video,the last song on it is The Dance and my brother is there all happy so every time I hear that,I have a small moment to myself. It's a great song regardless. I don't honestly know if he ever got to see him in 1997. If he did,he never told me.
Fast forward to my own little era and me coming back home tired and emotional and mam there still up with my sister and I just stare at them and then start to sing
"Johnny was born in a mansion, somewhere in the County of Clare
Rosie was reared by the roadside, somewhere in County Kildare
Destiny brought them together, on the road to Killorglin one day
In her bright pretty shawl she was singing,
And she stole his young heart away.."
Mam finished the song and my sister would look on in disbelief. Dad would throw in a non-committal "Go way to bed" and that's pretty much a thumbs up as I'm going to get.
Which brings us to today. Where Garth Brooks tickets went on sale and caused a mixture of pandemonium and borderline snobbery on ticket sites and social media. Honestly it was the hardest ticket I ever got. 1 hour and 40 mins of waiting had me look up and say "C'mon help me out here". You know who I was talking to.
Five minutes later,the ticketmaster app lit up and I had a ticket.
I saw snobbery on Twitter and Facebook in regards to people who committed the crime of saying they liked music or an artist that isn't "cool" or "hasn't brought out a song in donkey's years". I suppose those Monty Python tickets came out for the laugh earlier this year,then.
I'm very proud of the music that was drummed into me and with my family memories of Garth Brooks through the years,you could probably say that I have been waiting for this concert for a very,very long time.
Good evening from the safe confines of my suburban Limerick room. I'm currently typing this listening to the rain clashing off the window like it's going out of fashion. Are they filming Angela's Ashes 2 - The Revenge outside? No. At least I hope they're not anyway. I glance across social media and I see talk about a musical erm talent show where half the contestants mime (they did tonight I hear) and then there is our fearless political leader giving a state of the nation address telling us things we already knew and/or predicted. Am I watching these things as they happen? God no. Life (and my hypertension) is too short.
Now look,I know that there are some things out there that I'm not entirely crazy about,but it works both ways. Variety is the spice of life,right? You might adore some music and/or tv shows that I might abhor and probably would. But that's ok. If we were all the same,it'd be a very boring world. I was tidying my room a bit today (it was raining) and I gathered a pile of Blurays and put them into a big box. As I admired my new found Feng Shui skills I realised that I hadn't watched half of what was in the box. I suppose life gets in the way. Not that I'm complaining,I'm in steady enough employment and in a very content relationship. So my time to suspend reality is limited and when I have free time,it usually revolves around films that I might find groundbreaking but you might look at for two minutes and just go "No. Just no."
One in particular is a film that was made here. No,not in Limerick but if it was it'd be as popular as Taffin. (For those that haven't seen Taffin,I'll be around after the blog to explain) It was filmed (and I use that term generously) in Trim,Co.Meath. I know what's going through your mind. And yes,I know that Braveheart was a fine epic,but that's not the one I'm on about.
Enter:
Say hello to Ireland's one (and only) martial arts movie Fatal Deviation. Where the one single solitary stunt in the film that constituted any degree of special effects or CGI involved a car crashing on a straight road (no,really) and the car blowing up which could have killed the lead actor as he kicked his way out of the soon to be fireball. Did I mention this film also stars Mikey Graham? No? Ok.
Because it does. And it's clear to see that our Mikey filmed his scenes in half a day. If you're curious/bored/braggadocious - watch this. If you're still talking to me after,we'll compare notes. Deal?
You may be suprised to know that film was never shown on RTE. Or Sky. or Netflix. See a pattern emerging here? Yup. It does fall into the so bad,it's good category. Here is another barely coherent clip from said eyesore:
Yes,somewhere in Ireland,there is such a thing as "Beat Up My Men Week".
****************** INTERMISSION LETS ALL GO TO THE LOBBY ********************
As bad as that was,I am sure there are far far worse. That would just
descend into another debate on what film is more stomach churning than the
next,so I won't go into that otherwise we'd be here until next Christmas. So I
am going to select another film that has its detractors to say the least.
I give you "The Room"
This film was funded by writer/star/director/undecipherable accent laden
visionary that is Tommy Wiseau. Tommy spent $6m on this. You wouldn't think it
looking at it. People label it as "The Citizen Kane of bad movies".
Consider the bar hereby raised. The film has barely a plot and the plot it has
just veers off on to more tangents than I care to recall. What makes things
even more peculiar is that it plays to now sold out monthly screenings across
the world for the cult status it now has. I wont go into too much detail - I
will let the youtube clips tell their own story.
Here is probably its most quotable piece. Incoherency incoming!!
And here is another faux pas. Spot the obvious breakdown in logic here!
Speaking of breakdowns,here is Johnnys (mild spoilerage)
And pushing the spoiler boundaries here...the FIGHT SCENE(with one of the most bizarre taunts ever....)
Again you may be as equally shocked to know that it has not been televised.
But its out on Bluray so it has one up on Trim's finest already. I'm sure for
every Godfather or Scarface,there are a hundred Fatal Deviations or Rooms. But
I'm sure that's what is the unique thing about them all. Just nod and smile
whenever an obscure line from them is muttered - it makes life a lot easier!
Instant Karma's gonna get you Gonna knock you off your feet Better recognize your brothers Everyone you meet
(John Lennon)
There has been a lot of talk in the last seven days about the word "loyalty". Most of it swirling around a certain autobiography that has come to light. Yes,I have read some of the more,shall we say,critical,chapters in it. I'm not saying this because I am a Liverpool fan and if it was a Liverpool ex-manager that brought a book out and started damning his ex-players in the public domain,I would feel let down. A dressing room is commonly known as one of the most sacred institutions in sports.What is said in there,stays in there. Unless youre Davy Fitz. I know some Man Utd fans that are let down - and naturally some are blinkered that the author can still do no wrong whatever he says or does. And that's not a dig. There are fans like that with every team. Is it why I am not as avid a football devotee that I once was? Perhaps (veering on yes).
But there was a time where loyalty was rewared in a short-term measure but had long-term effects. For me,anyway. When we were in secondary school,part of a French assignment (for extra marks) was to write to a French business or company asking about them and basically looking for brochures. I went home thinking "Who the fuck am I going to write to? In French?" I stuck on Eurogoals (which was basically like a continental version of Match Of The Day) and then saw who I was going to write to. The famous football team Paris Saint-Germain. I had been watching them for years. They had real quality. Rai. Leonardo. Lama. Loko. They later brought in some lads called Ronaldinho,Anelka,Beckham and Ibrahimovic. I think they did ok for themselves. So I got the bright idea of asking them for brochures on the stadium,the facilities,fan clubs,what have you. The letter I wrote may have had a few pronouns out of place but I'd like to think that added to the charm of it all (!) They had the teacher even took us to the post office to make sure we sent the letters off! No spoiled voting or 0 points here!! Two weeks later I got this big massive envelope. Inside was a brochure on the club,the squad but the coup de grace (see what I did there) was a thank you letter from one of the clubs directors. Say hello to an A in French and a PSG fan for life after that.
To me,loyalty is very important. You're good to someone,they are good to you. That should be the case in everyday life anyway,but that isn't always the case as we all know.If you go by horoscopes,and sometimes I may pass an eye over them,I,as a Libra,tend to be loyal. Now if the horoscope says that,it must be true,right?! (Okay I googled "Libra" and "loyal" but same result!) You have to be good to yourself too,and I have been guilty of not being at times,especially when deep in thought over this that and the other. Basically being tough on myself. I have eased up on that. These days (ok tonight!),being good to myself is having a blackberry Lemsip and chatting to my other half. Sensibility? I'd like to think so!
(I was in two minds on whether I'd publish this or not. In the end I decided to. This was written up late Sunday evening)
I'm currently writing this on the longest bus journey ever. All Ireland traffic would do that. As long as this journey is,it is exactly that. A journey. We are all on our own specific journeys in life - no matter how arduous or taxing they are,life is a journey and you have to prepare for whatever happens. Being in this seat for I don't know how many hours now has made me lose track of time,and recount my own life up until now. There have been a lot of peaks and a lot of valleys - like anyone would have. But for me,it almost wasn't like that.
I watched the interview with Stephanie Meehan on the Late Late on Friday just gone,and as I watched this brave,articulate lady tell her harrowing tale,I watched on only imagining how hard it was for her to say those things. With this week being World Suicide Prevention Week,I figured I would say what I have found it hard to say and basically kept to myself for a while. I don't have those thoughts now,but before I did. On more than one occasion,too. I had never felt so low,so low to the point I felt what good was I. What purpose was I serving. Sadly I've suffered personal heartache with events that have happened in the past,with a few friends and closer to home. What happened at home really brought things to a halt. It broke my heart. And part of it still has paper covering the cracks. I often spend hours at a time wondering why people just don't talk. And I get very cut up over it all. It hurts. I fill myself with empathy and it can overflow.
I'm writing this,to show people that it's ok to show emotion,to show feeling. No one will ever know it unless you tell them that there could be something wrong. Am I an emotional person? Absolutely. I got bad when Bambi's mother got killed for heavens sake. Overly emotional at times but that's me and it's a part of me and it's a part that won't change. People tend to bottle things up and keep them to themselves and then it can be too late. I remember all those years ago being offered counselling after my brother died. I didn't want it because I didn't want anyone knowing what was going on in my head. What business was it of theirs,I figured. I know they were only trying to help. Maybe in time,I will talk a bit more extensively.
For far too long,it has been considered a taboo subject. I've heard all the terms. The "oh we don't talk about that" sorta thing. What hurts me the most is the fact that we don't talk enough. We seem hesitant to show that we are human and not bulletproof. I don't beg much but I implore you,whoever is reading this,that if you are bothered,or concerned with something,talk to someone about it. Help is always there.
