Hello Darkness My Old Friend

I haven't written life events for quite a while. Life is pretty stagnant lately. But that's ok I suppose. No news is good news,right? Or so we are kept told. 

I write this after being haunted by one of my oldest and longest standing enemies. Worry. There are times where I can be in a room or an arena or what have you and I can feel like the only person there worrying about this and that,trivial things that get to me but I somehow let them start to spiral off in my head and I get racked with worry and the next morning I try not to bring it into my daily life but its difficult. Fucking hell it's tough.

Worry visited me tonight in seeing pictures of my friends I grew up with planning weddings, families, whatnot together. I sat back and thought should that be me and if not,why not? Relationships and me aren't exactly best buddies but the few ones that clicked, they certainly did. For some reason or another, any one I was in just didn't work out. I'd keep telling myself that breakups and all that craic happen every single day. But seeing visuals of others I grew up around being happy struck a chord and made me take a step back. Course I'm happy for them. I'd never deny someone happiness. Just wonder at 36...should my path be laid out in front of me? It's a tricky one.

This time of year brings up the worry in another guise. Christmas. I don't dislike it as much as I used to but this November commercialism shite annoys me more than anything else. If I wasn't working my worry would be maximized tenfold. It puts pressure on so many people unnecessarily. I'm not a humbug by any means - just can't the corporate empires of the world wait another few weeks before unleashing their festive wares on the world? Wishful thinking, right.

Nine times out of ten I'm as pretty much happy go lucky as you can get. Those of you that have met me can attest to that I'm sure. The one time out of ten is where I'm face to face with my old nemesis - the W word. I'm sure I'll banish him some day - but that leads to another W word.

When.