Out In The Street

So I decided to put a small bit together on the July Bruce shows that I was at. Here beginneth the lesson!

The first show was Limerick. July 16. How often do I get to sleep in my own bed after a concert? Not very often,let me tell you! I knew the night before that it was announced about it so I was told to sit on it till then,which knowing me is very hard to do! I took one of my best friends to it. It was his first show and I had him well briefed on the event that was about to occur. The vibe around town was great. Everyone enjoying themselves,no guff,well apart from some fella that had waited 25 years to year a specific song live and let the babbling couple beside him know exactly that. Oh and he had his arm up like he was ready to command a militia or ready to pull the horn on an 18 wheeler for the bones of the night,but hey,thats his thing. Did I mention I was interviewed on the Last Word with Matt Cooper before and the day after the gig? Yup,that really happened. Normally when you're on The Last Word two days running you've caused a storm in the church or you've financially ruined a country. I don't think I'm guilty of either so yay,go me!!

Then there was Cork. I really wanted Cork to be great. I'm half a Corkman for goodness sake,and am very proud of that fact. Everyone on Mam's side seem to have similar sense of humour to me - or else they love being wound up,whatever comes first. I hadn't been there in God knows how long so there was a yearning to go back,even if it was in essence a day trip. Mam and Dad were going to a wedding in Cork the same day so it made perfect sense to go with them and meet them in the hotel bar afterwards not reeking of Heineken,right? That's what happened,I did keep it PG - no slurred warblings,just calm and composed drinking Heineken out of a glass this time as opposed to a plastic cup.

I hadn't been to Pairc Ui Choaimh in a good twenty years. I had gone with Dad to that match and we talked about it briefly on the way down. Getting there was fine. But once down there,the organisation of the place was a write off. You want a drink? Hey,no problem! See that van? You go there and buy a drinks voucher. Then you take that drink voucher and go to the other van to swap it for drink. Can you see how this process went? Yup,disastrously. Security giving pit passes to their buddies after they saying they were all gone. I heard the toilets closed at one point. I could be wrong in that but I wouldn't be a bit surprised if it was true. The gig was great,just the setup was a let down. And then there was getting out! No lights going out of the place meant you could trip very very easily. I didn't but saw a few trip over potholes. Summary - great show,bad organisation/ logistics. Stadium needs a Wrecking Ball! (Sorry Corcaigh you know I heart you,really)!

Then we had Kilkenny the following weekend so I had some time to come back down to earth from the previous two. This was going to be different for a plethora of reasons - first,I had never been to Kilkenny. Second - I was bringing my better half to the show (her first Boss experience) so was secretly hoping she'd see what all the fuss was about that had me traipsing across Europe to see him at one point.  All my fears were allayed really quickly as she loved it and like most first-timers,is now hooked. She even has the back catalogue now which I'm very very happy with! Plus it didn't rain which helped! Thumbs down to the guy sniffing white substances off the back of his hand though. Yup,sadly that was going on. 

So all in all,each gig had its own little subplot. Personally,Limerick for me on the whole was the better of the lot,no bias,but just everything was just right. Weather,organisation,logistics. Kilkenny a very close second (I better say that!) and Cork bringing up the rest. You can't have it perfect all the time,I suppose! Here's to the next shows!!

Square Two

I actually had the vast majority of this written almost three weeks ago. The fact that i didn't have to edit it too much is good,because it'd show regret,which I don't have.

So ends my 45 week contract in where I worked. My first job in almost three and a half years of being in the wilderness. I knew going in that it was going to be 45 weeks maximum. There later was an option of applying for a two year contract but that meant three interviews,presentations,evaluations,whatnot. Even before I heard about this,I knew the job wasn't for me. I wanted to go the distance,and be able to leave on my own terms. Not get sacked,not get put on gardening leave,just to leave by my own options. Get it on my CV and add to my skillset. There were times where I didn't think I'd last. Especially when going from one line of work to another that you had zero experience in,some days were really,really daunting. I thought about giving up and saying "Enough". I know its a job,and they aren't exactly easy to come by,and hey,I've often said in the past "You're lucky to have it". And don't get me wrong,the lads in work were great. Really helpful no matter how trivial a question I would ask. And I probably asked some ridiculous stuff. And yeah,I could have left and walked. But that's the thing about me. I didn't want to go out like that a quitter. I wanted to leave on my own terms and say I went the full tenure. I can be extremely stubborn at the best of times. That's just me and I won't deny it. I didn't want to be known as the fella that left or quit or walked or whatever spin you want to put on it. I didn't want to be known as the fella that people would say "Oh he was working but he couldn't hack it". Fuck.That. Even if I did do that I could say back "At least I tried it,what have you ever done" but again,that's the stubbornness that wants to burst out. And I wont badmouth the company. At this moment in time they are one of the biggest companies in the world in what they do. They gave me a position and an opportunity and I'm grateful for that.

So now I'm on square two. I wont call it square one because at least now I was able to take something from where I was,and add it to my own list of credentials. I'm back applying to signing on as of tomorrow but I don't want that to last for as long as it did before. I refuse to let that happen. I have motivation now that I didnt have in such a long time. It's much different to the way things have been for me before as I now have someone by my side who I know wants to do all they can to help me. To me,that means everything. She would listen to my tribulations about the job and not be judgmental and always try to help,and I'm not afraid to admit that sometimes I do need help. I'm not perfect,far from it. I can hit a wall mentally and switch off from the world. She has helped me stay switched on.

I watched a documentary on a day off a few days before I finished up about a man in a completely different profession but in a similar contract situation. His was up and wasn't being renewed (it later was but that alone made the story more interesting). He had been counting down the days,like I was. Crossing the days off a calendar. Ok I wasn't exactly doing that but I had an idea when it was up. On being offered the chance to stay or finally go,he sought advice. He was asked what he wanted. He simply said "I want to make a difference". To that he was told "You can't make a difference from your couch". That struck a major chord with me. I don't honestly know if I can make a difference but I sure as fuck am not going to spend my days sitting on my couch thinking about it.

I start again. But with help. And a headstart. Time to make the best of it. 

Dreaming Out Loud

There are some well documented adages that have been flying around since the dawn of time. "Never work with children or animals". "A stitch in time saves nine". And another is "Never meet your heroes".

Why is that?

You need to have someone or something to aspire to. I can imagine that there is the possibility of potential disappointment when and if you do,but you'll never know unless you actually do. Until then,all you have are pipe dreams and visualisations.

I'd love to meet my hero. And I don't have too many.

Bruce Springsteen.

I've seen him ten times. Followed him up the road to Dublin,Belfast,over the pond to London and then onto Munich. And will also be doing the trek to Cork,Kilkenny and my hometown of Limerick,which is a dream in itself. I know people that have seen him a hell of a lot more times than I,but those ten concerts hold so many special moments in my head. Each concert has been different which is what makes a Bruce show so appealing. I have converted so many people to him and the E Street Band that they also cannot wait for the shows! 

I remember the day it was announced Bruce was playing Limerick. I was in a boardroom at work at this one day seminar about resiliency techniques. I had my phone under the table checking Twitter every two minutes. Then the news broke and I was hopping. Absolutely buzzing at the news.

To put it simply,I'd love to meet Bruce,even to shake his hand and thank him for the great music,inspiring lyrics and unforgettable concerts he has given me. 

That's my dream. 

And if anyone ever says they don't have a dream,they're talking out of their you know what. Because everybody has one.

Laughing Matters

Greetings and salutations from my room. As always,when I feel something needs to be written in blog form,it usually comes to fruition here. Sadly,I wish I didn't have to be writing this piece but due to events in South Africa this week,I felt I had to comment on something that inevitably stems from a tragedy of this kind.

Mockery.

Since the events and happenings started to unfold,the so-called jokes start to flood in,especially across social networks where the things are still rife. Am I missing something here,or is it the "in thing" to make light of someone being murdered? Would you like it if someone belonging to you perished like that? I wouldn't and sure as hell wouldn't be best pleased if I went on the Internet and saw people find humour in it.  It beggars belief that stuff like this does occur,and sadly,chances are will recommence when the next tragedy occurs.

In short,if you like that sort of thing,go to Sickipedia. Or don't bother me with your "wit". Either or works.

Annus H̶o̶r̶r̶i̶b̶i̶l̶i̶s̶ Mirabilis

What an interesting year this has been. At the time of writing,we are still in 2012 so, as it is still with us,there may still be an opportunity for some extra joy/oddness to conjure up. But let's not tempt fate. For now, at least.

If I am being honest,I don't remember much of this year from say,July onward. No,I was not in a drink or drug fuelled haze or anything,there just was nothing of merit to report about. Those 6-7 months were the same as they have been for the last three-odd years. Job-hunting and plodding on. When every day feels the same, you forget what actual day it is. But that all changed this year. I am working. I kept going and going and going until I got something. Did I feel like quitting? I did,at one point,yes. But I knew I had to keep trying. And then it happened. And it's great to be doing so. Now,I am under no illusions that it is going to last,because it's a temporary contract,which is fair enough. So at least I know that it is going to end at some point next year,which I am grand with. But it's a job,and it's experience. So no moaning from me getting up early in the mornings now. It's what I wanted. Plus it's also fulfilling when you set a goal for yourself and you get it. Too many times there was humming and hawing about deciding things and then - bang - stuck in a rut again. This is when you learn the most about yourself. When you are literally with your back against the wall. Either cower or come out like a headcase. I did both. And I am much better for doing both.

As I learned more about myself, I learned more about others around me.When you have extended time to yourself like I did, everything around you is either magnified or reduced. For me, magnified. This year,I have dealt with some complete inane stupidity. And I mean REAL idiocy. When you cut those factors out of your life,and replace them with better imagery,your life becomes so much better. I have it probably jinxed it now!  Only recently I found out that someone I used to hang around with back in the day, who was a real hellraiser and would be a general mad laugh has been basically neutered into some political commentator. I would have to do doubletakes and make sure it wasnt the same person. Real WTF moments ensued. But I am over that in a way Taylor Swift could only dream about being over something.

Even more recently at my birthday,the last two Fridays before that,I was able to go out on the drink. I had not gone out two Fridays in a row in three years and that's the God's honest truth. I didn't know myself. It took a bit (and still is) of getting used to! Not that I am complaining,mind. That weekend was brilliant. Vodka does make Steven Seagal films more interesting/decipherable. Went home on the Saturday then had a ticket presented to me for the Munster game on the Sunday,great day that was to round it off. Things just really started to come together. I was working for less than two months again and it was just a nice time to be doing things. And it still is.

Last Christmas,i was very uneasy as it was a tough time for me,as I'm sure it was for others. I wrote about that in a previous blog so no repeating! Obviously now,my circumstances have changed so Ilook to this one with a bit less uncertainty. Working until Christmas Eve,so thats the nearest I will get to a fairytale finish in regards to the time of year we have,but I am looking forward to it a bit more this time around,personally and professionally. I am going to get a multitude of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse headaches but I won't care.

Because I will be home. With the best backup anyone could ever wish for.
(Now for bed -work calls!)

Happy Christmas,readers.

remembrance

For thirteen years,I have hated this time of the year. This second to last week in November. It was this week,thirteen years ago that my brother took his own life.

 I don't know why he did it. I was asleep. Forty miles away. I was on a night shift sound asleep. I woke up and there were notes in the letterbox saying to ring home urgently. I was half asleep but I woke up fairly quick when I started to realise something was badly wrong. I rang home with borderline fear,knowing the news on the other end of the line was not going to be good. And it wasnt. It was my uncles wife on the other end who said the words that I had been dreading. I knew something had happened,and the fact that I did not know who to made it even worse. Then she said it and I froze. The first thing I said was "What" then "Why". The realisation dawned and I went into hysterics when my other brother called down to get me out of the house there. He was in shock as much as I was.

 We went home and the relatives were all there. Then the neighbours. Then the others that feel they just have to come in out of nowhere. In reality,I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to be left well alone. All I could think of was I was 40 miles away,powerless to do anything,powerless to even talk. That,I still carry on myself.

The funeral came and I was asked to do a reading. I did and I haven't done one since. Halfway through I looked at the coffin in front of me and I froze again. I got through it and on going back to my seat I said that I would never read again. Then we went out to the graveyard but before we all went,I asked the hearse driver if I could go in the passenger seat. He was grand with it. We stopped at our house for a minute. This time I didn't freeze. I was in tears as I recounted us playing basketball and I fell on my knee. Hard. He would look down on me as I was ready to bawl and go "Do you think Michael Jordan would cry if he fell? Get up!!" He was trying to toughen me up,and it worked. I gave the driver the nod,and we went. That was the longest car journey of my life.

 I only wished he'd talked. Suicide can tear families apart,but it brought us even closer as a family. And its such a taboo subject in this country. It was 13 years ago,and it is today. If something is on your mind,please please talk to someone about it.

Something out of nothing

The power of words can be astounding. I am not exactly Mr Motivator but when I feel something needs to be said, I will say it. Two recent occurences where I would usually stay quiet but instead I said something happened lately.

I was finishing work there one evening and this guy was walking against me,looking for info on the area where he just had an interview. He still looked a bit nervous,even after the interview was done. We talked briefly for a few minutes about the area,the shoddy bus service,whatnot.He went on his way to the hotel still a bit upset looking,so as I was just getting my bus i wished him well and hoped he got the job. He smiled and gave me a sincere thumbs up.

Another evening I was out,there was a young lad across the way at the counter from me, just staring at a pint of Guinness that had gone well flat. I tried to lighten the mood and ask him were the pints bad here today,and he looked up with a vacant look in his eyes. Not angry at what I asked, just a sullen look. I asked him was he alright,and he easily could have told me where to go, but he started to open up a bit and say that it was his first time away from home being in college here and he was homesick. I said that I was homesick too when I first left home, now hey I know, the independence is great, and it is, but so are home comforts. There is nothing like them. I said it's okay to be homesick, it was obviously bothering the lad being away. I just told him that it's perfectly fine to jump on a bus or a train home for a few days. Who is going to say something to you objecting? Nobody. I go out home for a few days when I get anyway bogged down. The lad sincerely said "Thank you for talking to me" and went on his way.

On another given day, I could have buttoned it and got on with my own day and tribulations or whatever. But I am glad I intervened in both those occasions because you don't know whats going on in someones mind unless you ask.I hope yer man gets that job and the other lad gets to go home a bit more.