How You Remind Me....

I'm sure that in your workplace, or in previous workplaces, there more than likely has been a colleague there that struck you as...well..odd. Or eccentric. Or weird.Or in plenty of my experiences, as mad as a bag of hammers. I have a blog done about some of these lads (and lasses..dont think it was all crazy men I conversed with) but I felt maybe there should be a few dedicated to individuals who went over and beyond the call of duty to embed themselves in my psyche as Grade A Loop The Loops. On with the show.....

I first met Chad (lets call him Chad. Not many fellas down these parts called Chad unless you are in a really bad Nickelback tribute, and needless to say "Chad" protects this persons anonimity, and as you will further read, I am doing him a HUGE favour by doing so) on a Monday morning in the workplace. Here was the first meeting of the minds, and I quote:

"Well...whats happening?"

"AHIMNOTSOBADNOWHOWAREYOU?"

I quickly ascertained this man had neither hit puberty (he was in his mid 40's-yes he told me) or he had never heard of a full stop. Or a pause for that matter. But we overlooked this potential haphazard and kept going. Things were looking rosy for him when a girl asked him out. Now,in Chads defence, tact was never a strong point. He had moxy..and was keen. I admired said moxy and keenness in these cases, although later in my knowing of him, this would lead to more harm than good. Balls of brass, but no brakes. Howsever. He agreed to meet this girl on a Friday,everything was all rosy in the garden. Or so it seemed....


"Well howd you get on with Chad?"

"Fuck him he's a prick, he didnt even show!"


On getting Chads side of the story, he simply said they had "agreed to stay friends". My suspicions were now full on piqued.

Another Chad tale was when he attended a local christening and met another co-worker (who was happily in a relationship. With child.Keep this in mind.) She posed for an innocuous picture with him, although Chad decided to keep this picture with him. In his pocket. Scrunched up. For a good year and a bit. Now this wasnt a regular Polaroid, this was a big ass disposable camera job. You can probably guess her reaction when she found this out.

Then there was the time he asked an Eastern European girl out. Before she had a chance to tell him where to go, he announced they were "going steady". Folks, in ANY language, that is awkward. Again, he was persistent in his quests, although there is a difference in being persistent and just being in full on Single White Male mode. Especially when the penny slowly started to drop and he started to possibly realise that this poor lady didnt..how we shall say...share the same interests as he did. He was not impressed and forthwith gave her looks that La Chiffre in Casino Royale would have been proud of. Without the bloody eye, naturally. Unless thats your thing, then I wont argue with ya.

I took pity on Chad on his constant knockbacks, (well he didnt do himself much favours with his UFC staredowns at women after these virtual red cards) so I said I would take him out for a drink, he didnt touch alcohol,he was a pioneer for years (except that time he drank vodka straight because some scamp told him he'd be "in there" if he did). I remind you of the "NOTSOBADNOWHOWAREYOU" episode earlier. This is important. He asked the barman for a glass of Lucozades finest (sans vodka) in that voice, which did have a bit of a tinge to it, if you think Philip Seymour Hoffman in Capote, you are on the right track. The barman thought he was putting the voice on and subsequently blamed me for "being a messer". Okay he said it a bit stronger than that but I almost had no idea what he was talking about. You'd believe me, right?


Okay! $64,000 question time! Do you, the people, want to hear more Chad stories (and believe me, there ARE more) or will I let this sleeping dog lie. I leave it in your capable hands and bid you adieu!