Three's Company? Not quite.......

I'm sure if you had any scant opportunity to pick who you lived with outside the family home, you would do so at the drop of a hat. I know I would. Don't get me wrong, where I am at the minute is grand, but if I had the option, I'd have to pick some of the TG4 ladies (Síle and/or Maire Treasa..call me le do thoil) Sadly, life is not always this simple, and roadblocks are put in front of you. Not nasty roadblocks that have bad B.O. or don't know how to close a door properly, but roadblocks none the less. I'm talking flatmates, people, flatmates. Some good, some bad, some probably dangerous to know.

Where I am living now on a weekday basis is all but a 20 minute walk to where I used to work before the manufacturing side of the company eventually jumped ship. (Factory stories are in another blog!) So obviously the nearer I was, the handier it was. So I moved to my first of three houses in this estate (no I'm not a homewrecker!) and things were grand in this place, honest! Landlord was in there, his missus and another fella. No problems. No problems that is..until they got two dogs in. Two dogs. Twice the barking. I worked a swing shift. I'm sure you can see where this is going. Years of going into work with a grouchy head and a once Alf Alfa-esque hair standing up was down to two dogs barking incessantly ruining my beauty sleep. And Lord knows I need enough of that. Now ye are all saying "Yeah...dogs bark..get over it!" and I know..it is a throwaway gripe,but a gripe nonetheless!  Okay, I'm down with that...but then Christmas rolled around,you know when you pass around Christmas cards to other human beings. Can you see where I am going with this too? Well, plank here woke up one morning with a sick head from OD'ing on stout and on the worktop there was a card. Not addressed to me...but someone else. Should I keep going? I've told this tale enough times so I might as well.

"To Tess and Elsa...Happy Christmas and a Happy New Year...from Brandy and Max".

I thought to myself..Brandy and Max are nice lads to be sending the two dogs here Christmas cards! Fair play etc!! Then I noticed something peculiar underneath Brandy and Max's "signature". A paw print. The realisation rocked me like a hurricane (Danke Scorpions). The two dogs...had gotten a Christmas card from another two dogs. Their walking buddies next door. You can imagine my reaction sounded like "Her Ducks Drake" or something similar. Lots of head shaking going around after that morning..and not just to get rid of my Arthur Guinness induced cobwebs.

So those guys announced they were building a house elsewhere so they were selling up. That means I was out on my ear, but I got plenty of notice and plenty of time to find a new place so I tip my hat to them and their two mystical dogs for that. Unfortunately..my next housemates werent exactly as courteous.

In my new housing, I was the only Irish person in there. How I lasted 18 months there, I'll never know. The landlord was Chinese, his wife Japanese, there was an Italian, Lativan and Lithuanian in there too. If this was the United Nations, well then I was Kofi Annan, coz when these dudes weren't arguing with each other, they were crying over something. I remember one evening, I pulled out a can of Guinness out of the fridge and I got a look like I had just killed the Andrex puppy (I love dogs, honest..that was just an extreme metaphor). I just got sick of their constant whining and moaning and just said "It's 5 o'clock somewhere" and just laughed and left the room. When your landlord wont talk to you for a week after you beat him at Pro Evolution Soccer, you have to laugh. Did he think I was going to throw that game? Lay down and let him win? Hey, unless you're a pretty lady, I don't lay down for nobody!! Mini-rant out of the way there.

I think my Kofi Annan skills came to their real test when the landlords parents came over to stay. The conversations were great! We talked about how Leo was such an OTT actor in Fair City, the political situation in Lybia AND the legacy of Spandau Ballet. Now if you believe any of that, you'll believe anything. They hadnt a word of English, they did the washing in the sitting room (think Nicole Kidman using the scrubber in Home and Away and you are getting there) and when the father came back to the house with a bag of stones that he spent half the day picking off the side of the road, laughing away to himself, you know thats your time to exit stage left.Big time.

So yeah, I've been under the same roof as some 'unusual' characters. Who knew! I think these people are drawn to me..not me to them. There is a huge difference! Still a bit off from my dream housemate list, but a man can dream. Now, where is Sharon Ní Bheolain's number.....