In Your Face, Cleopatra

I try to mix these blogs up with whatever comes to mind, or basically whatever I feel is worthy to commend to the infomation superhighway we trawl through on a daily basis. They are usually either funny (as per the general consensus has said) or more fact based/hard hitting or whatever. I struggle to sometimes think as to what to put down here, then I go back to the old reliable. The single, solitary subject that never,ever fails.

Ex-work colleagues. BOOM. (That's my first time typing that new buzzword and hopefully it'll be the last)..


Anyway. I have, as you know from previous blogging adventures, been amongst the same working environment as some 'questionable' individuals, and I am going to try and describe one of them today. There are quite the plethora of space cadets, but this fella deserves his own stage, and I, through the medium of the internet and witness protection for his sake via name change, am going to give him said stage.

Marc Anthony was quite the enigma where I worked. He told us tales that were taller than any Beanstalk you ever saw in your life. He told us how his brother died when he got impaled by a reindeer in Tokyo. Should I keep going? Ok. Y'all are scratching your heads wondering how a Rudolph wannabe can impale a human. Well, if your antlers go through your entire body and kill you, you might have a case. Marc had my sympathies until we heard two alternative versions of this story (uf this fella was in Hollywood he'd make a killing on alternative ending extras on dvds for SURE) one was he died in a bike crash and the other was he fell off the top of a building. Not jumped..but fell. Oh and they named a technical institute in Japan after him. Grand job!

When we heard that anecdote, well we curiously just had to hear more. I wish we had not in hindsight as Marcs tales got even more and more full of holes. He told us he went to Woodstock when he was 15 (looking back on all his other stories this may have been the one with the most validity) when he was 16 he went to Kuala Lumpur picking tea leaves and at the ripe old age of 17 he went to Berlin to "help with some wall" they were at. DISCLAIMER : I wish I could say I am making these all up, but every single word is the truth! Oh and then there was the story when he was living in Sydney and had a lusty love affair with Olivia Newton John but that all went sour. He said her career was more important. Being the scamp that I was I chimed in "Were you not the one the she wanted". I thought he'd flip. Luckily I'd get many more moments to see him throw major wobblers. Like when inevitably, his stories would hit dead ends and his historical inaccuracies would come to the fore..he was adamant that he was born in a certain year and the doctor came to see him in another certain year. When I (legitimately) pointed out that this would have made him -2 years of age,he mustve had a Vietnam flashback "You weren;t there how would you know" I retorted "Jesus Marc, by the looks of your dates you weren't there either!" 

He didnt like it when I was proved right on the Ryanair "beds and blowjobs" fiasco (Google it!) and called one of the lads working with us Mike for 2 years even though...you guessed it, his name was something else entirely. He once told us also that he devenomized a snake in London with his bare hands. As you do. But one thing he loved to do was sing songs at random,he must have been having one of his many trips to the fountain of youth..or whatever it was he drank out of. One of those hits was (and thanks to him I'll always remember it)

Sandie Shaw. When he used to sing it he'd go into an almost eurphoric trance. Either he had an affair with her too or Ibiza hasnt discovered him yet. And from one end of his musical spectrum to the other there was this:

The mad thing was, whenever he would hear it, it would almost trigger off emmissions in his brain that forced him to get up and shake his tailfeather to. And he wasnt half bad a mover, either! I could tell you how he was the undisputed invisible golf champion as well but thats another story another day. Farewell Marc Anthony!!